Slowing Down

Sunday, July 17, 2011

“How many books are you reading right now??”

That was Tyler today at the pool after I pulled out yet another book to read.

He’s right.  I’m reading too many things right now…

There’s the Dietrich Bonhoeffer bio I’ve been working through for a few months now {It’s heavy and can be a little dry, so I need a break every now and then.  Church history + theology + conspiracies against Hitler isn’t exactly chick lit…}.

Then there’s “House Rules” by Jodi Picoult that I’ve been reading on my Kindle {I’m exactly 19% through}.  And there’s “Bossypants” by Tina Fey that I have to finish in time for bookclub this week…

Have I mentioned I haven’t started it yet?

And today I pulled out my latest.  A book I’m reading for small group… “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World: Finding Intimacy with God in the Busyness of Life.”

The title’s cheesy, yes, but I was nodding and nodding through the first two chapters wishing I had a pen…

“The thought intrigues you.  Deep inside of you there is a hunger, a calling, to know and love God.  To truly know Jesus Christ and the fellowship of the Spirit.  You’re not after more head knowledge—it’s heart-to-heart intimacy you long for.

Yet a part of you hangs back.  Exhausted, you wonder how to find the strength or the time.  Nurturing your spiritual life seems like one more duty—one more thing to add to a life that is spilling over with responsibilities.

It’s almost as if you’re standing at the bottom rung of a ladder that stretches up to heaven.  Eager but daunted, you name the rungs with spiritual things you know you should do: study the Bible, pray, fellowship…

‘He’s up there somewhere,’ you say, swaying slightly as you peer upward, uncertain how to begin or if you even want to attempt the long, dizzy climb.  But to do nothing means you will miss what your heart already knows: There is more to this Christian walk than you’ve ever experienced.  And you’re just hungry enough—just desperate enough—to want it all.

So many days I just feel overwhelmed.  Between working and working out and keeping the house clean and going to church and Bible study and blogging and making the house look like what I want the house to look like…oh, and being a good friend and maintaining a social calendar, and keeping in touch with family…grocery shopping, laundry, errands, watering the plants… All the while wanting to be the best wife, the best employee, the best therapist, the best cook, the best blogger, the most creative… It goes on and on.  And when I come home exhausted, I just say to myself,

“I don’t even have kids yet.  How am I ever. going. to make it?” 

Spending time in the scriptures or praying or serving always gets pushed to the back seat because it’s the one thing that doesn’t have a deadline.  And every night, as I fall asleep with that closed Bible sitting on my nightstand, I feel bad about it.  I feel guilty.  And I know I’m missing out on the best part of my life because I’m trying to make my life the best.

If the fact that I’m reading four books is any indication of how much I take on at once, you can see that I’m in need of a good kick in the butt.  I’m truly excited to get into this book, take in its encouragement, and slow. down. Dive into the Word. Experience this Christian life as it should be.

So here goes.

{Happy Sunday}

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