Awkward!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Every Christmas, I seem to be on the receiving end of an “awkwaaaaard!” gift.  There was our first Christmas as newlyweds when my mom gave us a game of Twister, along with two nudges and a wink. Thanks, Mom. 

Then, there was the bedroom pillow my stepdad gave us that said “Tonight” on one side and “Not Tonight” on the other.  Thanks, Rick.  Each to be opened in a room full of those nearest and dearest to us, for laughs to be had at my modesty’s expense.  These gifts, they were at least given in jest.

This year’s was not in jest, however, and was not given by my parents.  The culprit: my husband.

Christmas morning, I was the lucky recipient of this:

DSC_0283…which I opened in front of the whole family, including my Grandma-happy mother.

DSC_0282{In case you couldn’t read the title…}

Might I add, this gift was preceded five minutes earlier by a gift card to Victoria’s Secret. “It’s for perfume!,” says Tyler.

Uh-huh.  Perfume.

To be fair, I actually wanted a book like this—I just didn’t expect to open it up on Christmas morning!  Imagine the color of my face when everyone around eagerly watched to see what I had opened that made my eyebrows shoot up in such a way…

The explanation: Though I know a decent amount about nutrition and development from my educational background, I really don’t know THAT much.  I for sure know way less than any pregnancy-experienced person out there.  And after an unplanned “scare” a few months ago…

{Interruption: For the record, I hate to use that word because I realize what can be called a “scare” to one would be a long awaited miracle to another… So I don’t mean to use it insensitively… By scare, I mean “surprise!”}

After an unplanned…potentially-surprise!…moment, I decided I needed to know a little more.  Had I actually been pregnant, that kiddo would’ve been conceived while I was taking birth control, NOT taking vitamins, drinking wine, taking headache medicine {the latter two unrelated…}, using prescription skin cream…not to mention the extra 5 {or 10} lbs that seem to have taken residence on my hips since July.  I don’t know much, but I know I love you but I know enough about folic acid, spina bifida, and the first 28 days of fetal development to know I would’ve spent the next nine months worrying my little brains out…

So, despite the incessant jokes from my brother and SIL {“What, you don’t know how to get pregnant??”}, and just as the title implies, this book has nothing to do with actually getting pregnant—it’s all about preparing your body for carrying a baby and creating the right internal environment for such a task.  I’m only a few chapters in, but I’m really enjoying it!  My science brain is soaking up all of the medical explanations on why I need more of this and less of that and I really appreciate the practicality of this doctor’s point of view…

To be fair, I am well aware that a bajillion, healthy, fully-developed surprise! babies are delivered everyday, without planning, without a special diet, so I’m not committing to some OCD lifestyle, convinced that my kid will be blind with ADHD if I have one serving of food with a glycemic index above 50.  {And if you know me, you know I’m way too laid back for that anyway.}  However, if there are things I can do now, months {Did you hear that?  Months, Judy…} before we even think about, considering, possibly moving in the baby direction, that can help prepare a healthy, fertile environment, then I wanna know about ‘em! 

And so, I read…

To conclude, this will likely be the last of the baby talk from me {Yes, I realize I offered up the whole convo…}.  One never knows what the baby-makin’ process holds—a short path or a heartbreaking road, miscarriages or healthy growth, a single or triplets!—so you probably won’t hear anymore big announcements from me until the BIG announcement.  And rest assured, that is a long way away… A long, long way away.

{But you never know what’s happening behind closed doors…}

So, here’s to awkward Christmas gifts!  Did anyone else open any face-flushing gifts last weekend??

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