Affirmation

Thursday, November 06, 2008

I'm on a short break between classes this morning, a time I use to rush and get as many things accomplished as absolutely possible. Getting research done, printing articles, printing lecture slides, responding to emails, etc... And what I should really be doing right now to get ahead of the game is to start writing my thesis. My research is done, our purpose statement and outlines have been submitted, reviewed, and accepted, so it's time to start writing. But I don't want to... Instead, I'll write a blog!

I'm not going to lie, this thesis is not may favorite part of the program. Sure, I'm getting a doctorate so it's all part of the game, but there are plenty of times where I think that it would be sooo much easier to have just gotten a master's, scrapped the whole title (which I probably won't use anyway-- unless I'm in the mood to one up my I'm-meeting-with-senators-today- and-then-flying-to-Africa-husband) and not have to dealt with the research side of things. I understand why it's important in the medical community, somebody's got to it, but it's not me... Research is a huge part of this program and it is not fun. In fact, it is downright boring. I am not interested.

When it came to picking our thesis, I submitted requests to be involved in any of them remotely related to or involving kids. If I have to do this, it might as well relate to the field I'm interested in and further my knowledge and experience on diseases I'll see everyday. Cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy, and stroke patients were my top three requests. I ended up in the MD group (I really wanted CP), but was still pleased that I'd be able to gain experience in pediatrics. The topic of the thesis I requested specifically mentioned children. Children.

So, I go to meet with my thesis advisor for the first time last spring and what does she start talking about? Mice. Little white rodents. Dystrophic little white rodents. These are our subjects. I sat there and politely smiled and nodded, all the while thinking, "What the heck?? I don't want to work with mice! This better be a mistake..." "Here Stuart Little...can you catch this ball?"

I can give you the whole shpeel (sp?) on why we have to do research on mice, the ethics behind not being able to experiment with certain interventions on kids, why it's actually really imporant to the medical community, etc...but it does not change the fact that I already had no interest in research and further, I REALLY don't have interest in working with mice. Needless to say, I am not motivated to start writing.

The original purpose of this blog was to write about the components of my field and my education that I am truly excited about, the things I've been experiencing lately in the clinic and with patients, the things that make writing a thesis worth it simply because it leads me to where I want to be in the long term, but this has gotten long enough and class started eight minutes ago. So, I'll be back later to make sense of the title "Affirmation." Stay tuned, I know you're on the edge of your seats.

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